||Thank you for calling Freeport City Bank. Are you looking to buy a new car? We can help! Take advantage of our special rates for action heroes!
||Gotta big haul? Well, if you got the money, we got the trucks.
||If you are hearing this message… it’s already too late. I cannot be saved. I knew trying to uncover the largest conspiracy ever within the pharmaceutical industry would put my life in danger. I accepted the risks involved and those risks have caught up with me. My knowledge hasn’t been revealed to the public yet, I haven’t had time to give it to that sassy channel 13 reporter yet. But all the info is located… *CRASH* Oh god no, they can’t be! (frantic) Elaine St. and Hass Ave! (much further from the phone now, voice faint) *BANG* *BEEEEEEEP* (phone shot and disconnected)
||You have reached Flamingo, I am currently involved in revolution 9.0 so please leave me a fantastic message and I will get back to you. If you are an El Presidente or distinguished dignitary in need of a Coup please hold the line and you will be redirected to my Cell. Viva la Revolution! *beep*
||Who put bacon in the soap? I made it MAAAAAself!!!
||Bobs Okra farm, Bob speaking... Please leave a message!
||What's up. The AFDs will be ready at 1200 hours. If you bring the CAs, we will surely succeed.
||Zombies infesting your home, town, or country? You need Zombaway, Dawn, Night, Day in any Land...you can always bet Zombaway will be there.... for those tender Brrrrraaaaaaiiiinnnnnnnnsssss
||Dude, if you mess with my LPs one more time, I'll drop the whole world on your head!
||You've reached Deathstalker radio - all Deathstalker, all day
||*Dinner monkey sound*
||*music* Viruses, bugs, trojans and worms! What is a person to do? PURGE IT! with computer purge!
||Hello and welcome to Barrel and Crate, Incorporated! Where do YOU need a crate today? For a company directory, press 1. For a list of crate models press 2. For a list of barrel models, press 3. For store hours and directions, press 4. For delivery options, press 5. If you are currently in a firefight and need our express delivery service, please hold for the next available customer representative.
||Want to learn a foreign language? But every time you've tried you give up, right? Verbs, nouns, it is all too much. Slow Thinkers Incorporated is designed especially for you. We specialize in teaching foreign languages to particularly dumb people.
||Do you like tails? Then Club iSuP is purrfect for you. The milk starts flowing at 9pm. 18 and up welcome. Music provided by 5quid with guest AshRi.
||Hey, thanks for calling. Roger's mom can't answer the phone right now. Leave a message.
||Thank you for dialing Freeport Underground News. Stay on the line to hear the latest headlines. ...Today, the sprinkler system at the William Chapeau All Catgirls School in upper Thornhill was hacked, drenching most of the students. Someone at the scene reported that they had never seen so many wet *beep* Your free trial period of The Freeport Underground News has run out.
||Sorry I missed your call, but I’m in the lab right now working on another project. I’ll be in the lab for the next year or so working on that new youth drug ’25 more Life’ Don’t expect me to return your call. . . ever
||Hey! Thanks for calling TightFX! If your graphics are loose and need a little wrenching down, you've called the right place. We specialize in the tightening graphics in all of your interactive needs. Please hold for further assistance or dial the extension of your personal Graphics tension expert now!
||Ed’s Gun Emporium, hello. … Hello? … Helllloooo? Darn kids.
||Hello...Hello ? I can see you but I can't hear you...aw hell, leave a message.
||Mike G's Temp Service
||Mike G's Temp Service -- Who didn't see that one coming?
||Snootikins snacks... Damn, thems some good eats!
||La Muchachas! Need stress relief? Every day we have a free lunch buffet, all you can eat, at La Muchachas. Enjoy the best food, the best drinks, and the best latinas in Freeport, all ready for you. (Alcoholic drinks not included, seven drink minimum, all girls claim to be 18 or have a permission slip from their guardian.)
||Fun Phone Line
||Hi, this is Fun E. Bone. Welcome to my Fun Phone Line, where you can talk to my answering machine for only 95 credits per minute! Please leave your credit card number at the tone...
||Welcome to Old Cars! Drop your car off and receive cash today........we do not accept cars with the following problems: - Cannot turn left from a standing stop - Window turns on the radio - Dashboard turns on the windshield wipers - Digital dash goes out regularly - Driver's side door doesn't unlock - Passenger door automatic unlock doesn't work.
||Hi Norm, you there? Anyway, thanks for calling. This is Eddie V from accounting. I noticed someone left a new BTL drive on my desk this morning. It had a note attached saying that you told the IT guys that I needed a new one. I’m a little confused on this, as my current one seems to be working fine. Norm?