User:Boebi/History

History

On this page I'll be trying to put together a history of the Half Life universe.

This is a personal page on my own namespace. If you have anything to add or you managed to find something I didn't, please post on the talk page. Thanks!

Coming soon

I'll work on this in the next few days, thank you for your patience.

Aparture science .com

On the Aparture science website, you can find some interesting stuff.

• 1953 Aparture science begins operations as manufacturer of shower curtains. Early product line provides a very low-tech portal between the inside and outside of your shower. Very little science is actually involved. The name is chosen to make the curtains appear more hygienic.
• 1956 Eisenhower administration awards Aparture a contract to provide shower curtains to all branches of the military except the Navy.
• 1957-1975 Mostly shower curtains.
• 1978 Aparture Founder and CEO, Cave Johnson, is exposed to mercury while secretly developing a dangerous mercury-injected rubber sheeting from wich he plans to manufacture 7 deadly curtains to be given as gifts to each member of the House Naval Appropriations committee.
• 1979 Both of Cave Johnson's kidneys fail. Brain damaged, dying, and incapable of being convinced that time is not now flowing backwards, Johnson lays out a three tiered R&D program. The results, he says, will 'guarantee the continued success of Aparture Science far into the fast-approaching distand past.'

Tier1: The Heimlich Counter-Maneuver - A riliable technique for interrupting the life-saving Heimlich Maneuver.

Tier2: The Take-A-Wish Foundaition - A charitable organization that will purchase wishes from parents of terminally ill children and redistribute them to wish-deprived but otherwise healthy adults.

Tier3: 'Some kind of rip in the fabric of space... That would... Well, it"d be like, I don't know, something that would help with the shower curtains I guess. I haven"t worked this idea out as much as the wish-taking one.'

• 1981 Diligent Aparture engineer complete the Heimlich Counter-Maneuver and Take-A-Wish Foundation initiatives. The company announces products related to the resrarch in a lavish, televised ceremony. These products become immidiatly wildly unpopular. After a string of very public choking and despondent sick child disasters, senior company officials are summoned before a Senate investigative comittee. During these proceedings, and engineer mentions that some progress has been made on Tier 3, the 'man-sized ad hoc quantum tunnel trough physical space with possible applications as a shower curtain.' The comittee is quickly permantly recessed, and Aparture is granted an open-ended contract to secretly continue on the 'Portal' and Heimlich Counter-Maneuver projects.

If you want you can help me finishing this off. See here how, and post everything you typed over into the discussion page, thank you.

How to use aparture science.com

Go to the site, and say "LOGIN"
User: CJOHNSON
Pass: TIER3
Then say "NOTES"