Portal 2 VCDs/glados scenetable include manual cave

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sp_a3_03

Index Character Voice Line Unique Key
vitrified test chamber #1
-8104 cave If you’ve cut yourself at all in the course of these tests, you might have noticed that your blood is pure gasoline. That’s normal. We’ve been shooting you with an invisible laser that’s supposed to turn blood into gasoline, so all that means is it’s working. -3004_01
vitrified test chamber #2
-8111 cave If you need to go to the bathroom after this next series of tests, please let a test associate know, because in all likelihood, whatever comes out of you is going to be coal. Only temporary, so do not worry. If it persists for a week, though, start worrying and come see us, because that’s not supposed to happen. -3011_01
vitrified test chamber #3
-8120 cave Heads up: we’re gonna have a superconductor turned up full blast and pointed at you for the duration of this next test. I’ll be honest, we’re throwing science at the wall here to see what sticks. No idea what it’ll do. Probably nothing. Best case scenario, you might get some superpowers. Worst case, some tumors, which we’ll cut out. -3020_01
1950's intro
-5050 cave Welcome, gentlemen, to Aperture Science. Astronauts, war heroes, Olympians--you're here because we want the best, and you are it. So: Who is ready to make some science? -1950_01
- cave I am! -1950_02
- cave [laughing] Now, you already met one another on the limo ride over, so let me introduce myself. -1950_03
- cave I’m Cave Johnson. I own the place. -1950_04
- cave That eager voice you heard is the lovely Caroline, my assistant. Rest assured, she has transferred your honorarium to the charitable organization of your choice. Isn’t that right, Caroline? -1950_05
- cave Yes sir, Mister Johnson! -1950_06
- cave She's the backbone of this facility. Pretty as a postcard, too. Sorry, fellas. She's married. To science. -1950_07
1950's intro 2
-5051 cave There's a thousand tests performed every day here in our enrichment spheres. I can't personally oversee every one of them, so these pre-recorded messages'll cover any questions you might have, and respond to any incidents that may occur in the course of your science adventure. -1951_01
- cave Your test assignment will vary, depending on the manner in which you have bent the world to your will. -1951_02
- cave Those of you helping us test the repulsion gel today, just follow the blue line on the floor. -1951_03
- cave Those of you who volunteered to be injected with praying mantis DNA, I’ve got some good news and some bad news. -1951_04
- cave Bad news is we’re postponing those tests indefinitely. Good news is we’ve got a much better test for you: fighting an army of mantis men. Pick up a rifle and follow the yellow line. You’ll know when the test starts. -1951_05

sp_a3_jump_intro

Index Character Voice Line Unique Key
intro
-5053 cave Alright, let’s get started. This first test involves something the lab boys call "repulsion gel. -1953_01
- cave You're not part of the control group, by the way. You get the gel. Last poor son of a gun got blue paint. Hahaha. All joking aside, that did happen – broke every bone in his legs. Tragic. But informative. Or so I’m told. -1953_02
TODO
-5054 cave The lab boys just informed me that I should not have mentioned the control group. They're telling me I oughtta stop making these pre-recorded messages. That gave me an idea: make more pre-recorded messages. I pay the bills here, I can talk about the control group all damn day. -1954_01
TODO
-5055 cave For this next test, we put nanoparticles in the gel. In layman’s terms, that’s a billion little gizmos that are gonna travel into your bloodstream and pump experimental genes and RNA molecules and so forth into your tumors. -1955_01
- cave Now, maybe you don’t have any tumors. Well, don’t worry. If you sat on a folding chair in the lobby and weren’t wearing lead underpants, we took care of that too. -1955_02
TODO
-5056 cave Oh! In case you got covered in that repulsion gel, here’s some advice the lab boys gave me: Do not get covered in the repulsion gel. -1956_01
- cave We haven’t entirely nailed down what element it is yet, but I’ll tell you this: it’s a lively one, and it does NOT like the human skeleton. -1956_02

sp_a3_bomb_flings

Index Character Voice Line Unique Key
TODO
-5057 cave All these science spheres are made of asbestos, by the way. Keeps out the rats. Let us know if you feel a shortness of breath, a persistent dry cough or your heart stopping, because that's not part of the test. That's asbestos. -1957_01
- cave Good news is, the lab boys say the symptoms of asbestos poisoning show a median latency of forty-four point six years, so if you're thirty or older, you're laughing. Worst case scenario, you miss out on a few rounds of canasta, plus you forwarded the -1957_02
TODO
-5058 cave Ha! I like your style. You make up your own rules, just like me. -1958_01
- cave Bean counters said I couldn't fire a man just for being in a wheelchair. Did it anyway. Ramps are expensive. -1958_02
TODO
-5059 cave Just a heads-up: That coffee we gave you earlier had fluorescent calcium in it so we can track the neuronal activity in your brain. There's a slight chance the calcium could harden and vitrify your frontal lobe. Anyway, don't stress yourself thinking -1959_01

sp_a3_crazy_box

Index Character Voice Line Unique Key
TODO
-5060 cave Now, if you're part of Control Group Kepler-Seven, we implanted a tiny microchip about the size of a postcard into your skull. Most likely you've forgotten it's even there, but if it starts vibrating and beeping during this next test, let us know, because that means it's about to hit five hundred degrees, so we're gonna need to go ahead and get that out of you pretty fast. -1960_01
TODO
-5061 cave I'm telling 'em, keep your pants on. -1961_01
- cave Alright, this next test may involve trace amounts of time travel. So, word of advice: If you meet yourself on the testing track, don't make eye contact. Lab boys tell me that'll wipe out time. Entirely. Forward and backward! So do both of yourselves a favor and just let that handsome devil go about his business. -1961_02
TODO
-5062 cave If you're hearing this, it means you're taking a long time on the catwalks between tests. The lab boys say that might be a fear reaction. -1962_01
- cave I'm no psychiatrist, but coming from a bunch of eggheads who wouldn't recognize the thrill of danger if it walked up and snapped their little pink bras, that sounds like 'projection'. -1962_02
- cave THEY didn’t fly into space, storm a beach, or bring back the gold. No sir, we did! It's you and me against the world, son! I like your grit! Hustle could use some work, though. Now let’s solve this thing! -1962_03
TODO
-5063 cave Science isn't about WHY. It's about WHY NOT. Why is so much of our science dangerous? Why not marry safe science if you love it so much. In fact, why not invent a special safety door that won't hit you on the butt on the way out, because you are fired. -1963_01
- cave Not you, test subject, you're doing fine. -1963_02
- cave Yes, you. Fired. Box. Your stuff. Out the front door. Parking lot. Car. Goodbye. -1963_03

sp_a3_transition01

Index Character Voice Line Unique Key
vitrified test chamber #1
-8121 cave If you’re allergic to peanuts, you might want to tell somebody now, because the lab boys this next test may turn your blood into peanut water for a few minutes. On the bright side, if we can make this happen, they’re gonna have to invent a new type of Nobel Prize to give us, so hang in there. -3021_01
vitrified test chamber #2
-8122 cave The average human male is about sixty percent water. Far as we're concerned, that's a little extravagant. So if you feel a bit dehydrated in this next test, that's normal. We're gonna hit you with some jet engines, and see if we can't get you down to twenty or thirty percent. -3022_01
vitrified test chamber #3
-8127 cave All right. We're working on a little teleportation experiment. Now, this doesn't work with all skin types, so try to remember which skin is yours, and if it doesn't teleport along with you, we'll do what we can to sew you right back into it. -3027_01
50s outro
-5064 cave Congratulations! The simple fact that you’re standing here listening to me means you’ve made a glorious contribution to science. -1964_01
- cave As founder and CEO of Aperture Science, I thank you for your participation and hope we can count on you for another round of tests. -1964_02
- cave We’re not gonna release this stuff into the wild until it’s good and damn ready, so as long as you keep yourself in top physical form, there’ll always be a limo waiting for you. -1964_03
- cave Say goodbye, Caroline. -1964_04
- cave Goodbye Caroline. -1964_05
- cave Ha! -1964_06
- cave She is a gem. -1964_07
1970 intro
-5070 cave Greetings, friend. I'm Cave Johnson, CEO of Aperture Science—you might know us as a vital participant in the 1968 Senate Hearings on missing astronauts. And you've most likely used one of the many products we invented. But that other people have somehow managed to steal from us. Black Mesa can eat my bankrupt-- -1970_01
-5099 cave Sir, The testing? -1970_01a
- cave Right. Now, you might be asking yourself, "Cave, just how difficult are these tests? What was in that phone book of a contract I signed? Am I in danger?" -1970_02
- cave Let me answer those questions with a question. Who wants to make sixty dollars? Cash. -1970_02a
- cave You can also feel free to relax for up to 20 minutes in the waiting room, which is a damn sight more comfortable than the park benches most of you were sleeping on when we found you. -1970_03
- cave So. Welcome to Aperture. You’re here because we want the best, and you’re it. Nope. Couldn’t keep a straight face. -1970_04
- cave Anyway, don’t smudge up the glass down there. In fact, why don’t you just go ahead and not touch anything unless it’s test related. -1970_05

sp_a3_speed_ramp

Index Character Voice Line Unique Key
TODO
-5074 cave The testing area’s just up ahead. The quicker you get through, the quicker you’ll get your 60 bucks. -1974_01
- glados Hold on, who...? -1974_01a
- cave Caroline, are the compensation vouchers ready? -1974_02
- cave Yes SIR, Mister Johnson. -1974_03
- glados Yes SIR, Mister Johnson. -1974_04
- glados Why did I just-Who is that? What the HELL is going on h-[shorts out] -1974_05
TODO
-5075 glados Okay. I guess emotional outbursts require more than one point six volts. Now we know that. We just need to relax. We're still going to find out what the hell's going on here. -1975_01
TODO
-5076 cave Great job, astronaut, war hero and/or Olympian! With your help, we’re gonna change the world! -1976_01
- cave This on? [thump thump] Hey. Listen up down there. That thing’s called an elevator. Not a bathroom. -1976_02
- glados I swear I know him... -1976_03

sp_a3_speed_flings

Index Character Voice Line Unique Key
TODO
-5077 cave If you’re interested in an additional sixty dollars, flag down a test associate and let ‘em know. You could walk out of here with a hundred and twenty weighing down your bindle if you let us take you apart, put some science stuff in you, then put you back together good as new. -1977_01
TODO
-5078 cave In case you're interested, there're still some positions available for that bonus opportunity I mentioned earlier. Again: all you gotta do is let us disassemble you. We're not banging rocks together here. We know how to put a man back together. -1978_01
- cave So that's a complete reassembly. New vitals. Spit-shine on the old ones. Plus we're scooping out tumors. Frankly, you oughtta be paying us. -1978_02

sp_a3_portal_intro

Index Character Voice Line Unique Key
TODO
-5079 cave Thank you – [off mic] I can’t believe I’m thanking these people [on mic] – for staggering your way through Aperture Science’s propulsion gel testing. You’ve made some real contributions to society for a change, and for that, humanity is grateful. -1979_01
- cave If you had any belongings, please pick them up now. We don’t want old newspapers and sticks cluttering up the building. -1979_02
- cave For many of you, I realize 60 dollars is an unprecedented windfall, so don’t go spending it all on… Caroline, what do these people buy? Tattered hats? Beard dirt? -1979_03
1980's intro
-5080 cave Welcome to the enrichment center. -1980_01
- cave Since making test participation mandatory for all employees, the quality of our test subjects has risen dramatically. Employee retention, however, has not. -1980_01a
- cave As a result, you may have heard we’re gonna phase out human testing. There’s still a few things left to wrap up, though. -1980_02
- cave The bean counters told me we literally could not afford to buy seven dollars worth of moon rocks, much less seventy million. Bought ‘em anyway. Engineers said the moon rocks were too volatile to experiment on. Tested on ‘em anyway. Ground ‘em up, mixed em into a gel. -1980_03
- cave And guess what? Ground up moon rocks are pure poison. I am deathly ill. -1980_04
- cave Still, it turns out they’re a great portal conductor. So now we’re gonna see if jumping in and out of these new portals can somehow leech the lunar poison out of a man’s bloodstream. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Let's all stay positive and do some science. -1980_04a
- cave That said, I would really appreciate it if you could test as fast as possible. Caroline, please bring me more pain pills. -1980_05
Potados Interjections
-1995 glados Yeah! -1995_01
-1996 glados Yeah! -1996_01
-1997 glados Yeah! -1997_01
-1998 glados Yeah, take the lemons! -1998_01
-1999 glados BURN HIS HOUSE DOWN! -1999_01
-2000 glados BURN IT DOWN oh I like this guy. -2000_01
-2001 glados Burning people! He says what we're all thinking! -2001_01
-2002 glados Yeah! -2002_01
Cave's Death Speech
-5084 cave Alright, I've been thinking. When life gives you lemons? Don't make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! "I don’t want your damn lemons! What am I supposed to do with these?" -1984_01
- cave Demand to see life's manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I'm the man who's going to burn your house down! With the lemons! I'm going to get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down! -1984_02
- cave The point is: if we can store music on a compact disc, why can’t we store a man’s intelligence and personality on one? So I have the engineers figuring that out now. -1984_04
- cave Brain Mapping. Artificial Intelligence. We should have been working on it thirty years ago. But I guess it’s too late for should haves and what ifs. I will say this - and I’m gonna say it on tape so everybody hears it a hundred times a day: if I die before you people can pour me into a computer, I want Caroline to run this place. -1984_05
- cave She’ll argue. She’ll say she can’t. She’s modest like that. But you make her. Treat her just like you’d treat me. -1984_06
- cave Hell, put her in my computer. I don’t care. Just make sure she’s taken care of. -1984_07
- cave Allright, test’s over. You can head on back to your desk. -1984_08
- glados Goodbye, sir. -1984_09